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This month's LunaScope - It is a bad month for 'phish'ing....and every month for the foreseeable future
February 1st, 2008

We Varklets Can Have Our Say Too

Mom and Dad, you don’t have to worry. We won’t do anything on the Internet that’s risky. You know we have always come to either or both parents if there’s something we’re unsure of the consequences of doing. Besides, I am going to be a writer, so unless I get famous, it unlikely that anyone will ever see what I look like unless they illegally copy the only known actual picture of us (that’s me, Dolly Oddvark, in the middle).

Ollie Jr. (on the left) is going to be a musician, so unless he gets famous too, humans will generally only need to hear digital recordings of his music. And Wally (on the right), is going to be an artistic painter. Artistic painters usually only get famous long after they’re dead. So, I hope you can see we are respecting the ‘privacy’ and ‘separate-ness’ we Oddvarks need, to survive in this wild, weird, and sometimes wicked world of humans. We Oddvarks need to stick together. Like both our parents, though, we are finding it hard not to be vocal about all those wonderfully weird ‘people’ we come across.

January 31st, 2008

My Turn – Uppity Oddvarks Should Be Careful in Dealing With Humans On a Regular Basis

Ollie, you have three varklets to take care of, so don’t be exposing us all to the dangers of mankind without great care. Our children, Ollie Jr. ,Wally, and Dolly, deserve to grow up in a safe environment without anymore whacko human influences than they already get from that damnable Internet. There, I’ve said my peace. Even I must admit some of THOSE humans are lovable in a weird sort of way.

Why just the other day, that Mrs. Cohen and her husband were picnic’ing in the field over by farmer Johnson’s place. I overheard her say that they should not eat the sandwiches cause they were covered with ants. Imagine that, not wanting to eat perfectly good and scrumptious ants. I use them almost daily in preparing meals for the family. What could be more wholesome than fresh wriggly ants as a garnish on any dish. I’ll tell you the whole story when you get home from work.

January 31st, 2008

First Contact! with Another Intelligent Species

Staff Writer Ollie OddvardWe hate to disappoint those fans and adherents of extraterrestial life, but we Oddvarks have been around for a number of generations now. We are not sure exactly when we ‘woke-up’, but as far as my family’s stories go back, we have been ‘aware’. We have chosen to remain apart from humankind for some fairly obvious reasons. First and foremost is mankind’s predilection for violence and genocide. Humans also seem to rank fairly high on racism and discrimination. Until recently, we have always remained secret and hidden just to make sure our kind survives. Well, except for grandma Hollie, who used to have a whimsical aspect to her personality. Ol’ grandma Hollie would occasionally sneak around the US Pacific Northwest and sometimes even travel to the high Himalaya’s where she would run around in a big hairy costume. We all giggle and roll around on the floor whompin our tails and lollygagging our tongues when we see news stories about Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman. But, I digress.

With today’s anonymity, and the pervasive electronic cybershell of the Internet to support our continued physical separation from YOU humans (please excuse my species centrism), we feel that we can, at least, communicate. Don’t try to find us. We live underground and tap your buried cables to make all this possible. Speaking for myself, I can’t resist participating in all the bizarre, weird, and oddball stuff mankind is into. So I have decided to put my head just a tad above ground and let you all know of our existence. You will find no greater enthusiast for mankind’s quirks than me. Besides, having another species point of view will be the best way to know what is truly “odd” about humans.

January 31st, 2008

Weird Widgets and Words for a Weird World

Welcome to, a cyberspace pit-stop for those following the “other” roads and moving to the beat of a different drummer. Very soon you will be able to purchase items and services of a distinctly “odd” flavor from our virtual storefront. We plan on carrying unique, hard to find, or just plain outrageously bizarre stuff. It is our attempt to express the essential individuality of biological and social systems. Your hosts will be the Oddvarks, until recently, an unknown intelligent species. Perhaps, with all the transmissions floating around our planet, some of this has found a way to blend with the species commonly known as aardvarks (i.e. translated as ‘earth-pig’, but we would caution you to avoid this usage when referring to the Oddvarks).

Ollie Oddvark and I will be posting here regularly. News of the weird and odd is certainly an abundant resource in today’s world and we intend to capitalize on it. If you think the news is the only abundantly available bizarre resource, wait till we get the storefront up. The planet is full of unique and weird stuff, from crackpot inventions, to artworks, to music, to literature, to recovered lost treasures, to faddish collectobilia….. the list could go on ad nauseum. We intend to work hard to uncover what some may claim should never have been uncovered. We trust you to be the judge of our “odd” collection of stuff for the truly discerning consumer. Check back here often. We promise you won’t be disappointed.